6. Christian Ministry: Joshua & the Priesthood

INFERNAL INTERNET

My Dear Hobnob,

You have your subject almost convinced that the Catholic Church is seriously flawed. Discovering his impotence to change things, he will assuredly walk. Wonderful job. A little nudge here, a whisper there, and presto— another ex-Catholic. Most Catholics who leave the Church do not join other churches— a useful bit of trivia for those in our business. He may feel an attraction elsewhere, but often such subjects fail to follow it through. In any case, he would be deprived of the sacraments of life. Once his soul is completely dead, we can make ready the fire and the wonderful meal he shall make. I know you will invite your favorite uncle.

Girzone's book has fueled every resentment your client has ever felt for the Church and its clergy. Nice! In his latter book, The Shepherd, Girzone presents a bishop of the Church who is urged to realize the author's vision in opposition to the universal Church. Poor fools! People read the book as fiction and yet there are already such shepherds and a schism, albeit a secret one, between the so-called "American" Church and that of Rome.

Prevalent in the latter book, but also present in Joshua, he only speaks of conscience and freedom as it stands in opposition to the authority of the bishop to rule. His main character ridicules the local bishop as nothing more than a bureaucrat, someone more involved with the business of religion than the saving of souls. This image plays into the conception of the Church as cold and detached from its people.

Note the bombardment of delightful abuse upon the clergy:

• In chapter three he applauds the "sola scriptura" ministers while portraying the Presbyterian as "very proper," the Episcopalian as "a born actor," the Lutheran as "rigid and pompous," and the Catholic as "aloof and inflexible." People are often characterized as "inflexible" when they disagree with another's equally stubborn suppositions. Fr. Al Morris is noted in the text as conservative, and then, in the next breath, this is called his shortcoming. Great! Never let it be admitted that being liberal may also be a deficit.
• He contends that "As usual, people were more willing to make changes than were the clergy." Nothing is said, nor should it be, of the new clericalism wherein churches have been desecrated, oops, I mean remodeled by experts and clergy against the will of the faithful. Let us forget about the fact that the opposite is often true.
• Undermining the authority of Christ's shepherds, he even ridicules in his dialectic, the necessity of referral of decisions to the clergy. Who needs priests anyway? Haha.
• He implies that one cannot be "open to the inspirations of the Spirit" and still on good terms with the Church's priests (p. 74). Later he writes: "There are some priests who give their whole hearts and souls to the genuine work of God but there are not too many" (pp. 246-247). This may not be the experience of most people, but it makes for a good lie. Those wicked and self-seeking priests— bad boys, bad boys! Haha. Destroy the priesthood and you destroy the Eucharist. Destroy the Eucharist and you destroy the Church!
• If he would only throw a little sexual perversion into his book and we could make it akin to the movie, Priest, one of my favorite flicks from good ol' Disney. The priest-author, himself, must know a terrible anguish about the priesthood— good. Look at his assertions. He indicates that most priests are selfish. He poses the caricature of a poor suffering associate versus a sadistic pastor. And, he engages in a tirade against mandatory celibacy. Interesting— while he left active ministry for "health reasons"; the priest-author has enough strength to parade the country giving conferences and signing books.
• By arguing against mandatory celibacy for priests (p. 100), he denies that it comes as a gift with the call to a vocation. He accentuates the suffering that celibacy causes; however, luckily for us, he makes no note of the fact that three-fourths of all priests who have left ministry to get married, have since divorced. Your colleague demon Hillary has done an excellent job on the priests. You would not believe how low morale is currently. Psycho-sexual problems are not resolved by sharing a bed. Keep this under your hat, I mean, ah, under a horn. Nevertheless, Girzone denies the Church's right, as do we, to impose discipline. Along with the pseudo-Jeezus, we reply, "What Jeezus has made optional, the Church should not make mandatory." Haha. Never let them know that the real Jeezus speaks to them through the Church.

I have digressed a little bit in this note because I don't suspect you will need much more advice to settle the case. The pitiable man under your charge has swallowed the whole book and soon we shall swallow him. The fictional stories have resonated with his own for a delightful dialogue in anger, frustration, and rebellion. I can taste him now.

Your ever expectant uncle,
Slubgob